I’ve been spinning around like the proverbial top for a few weeks. Still going. I have bursts of happy, mostly of the potential for something different from how I have been living.
Money is a form of power and choice. Until now, I worried that my payments would be stopped, that someone was watching me, how would this end? Now, for a moment, I can concern myself with making investments in our future with the money in my hand. Money owed to me ten times over, not enough compared to what I could have earnestly earned, but I’m choosing to look at it like some kind of Extreme Savings Plan. They…did me a favour and kept some aside so that I could have a lump sum to set up a new home. Or something.
I loathe applying for rental properties because you have to share your private details and try to be chosen over the others like Annie at the orphanage. And I haven’t been rejected in that area before. This first one hurt. Made me panic. What if I can’t get accepted into a decent house now? I’m permanently like this? A financial loser? A non-contributer to society? Not number one any more. *need for approval evident*
I talked myself around. The right house will be mine. What is meant to happen will happen and all that. And I think it has! The house I wanted the most, with a view of Autumn in the mountain ranges, is mine to live in.
This is what this new home means to me…
A home for my child, with space to be together and also slightly apart when the need or desire arises
A backyard to die for. Half of the space is dense greenery and foliage – our jungle. The other, grass crying out to be filled with a swing set and a cubby house. I can’t think of a better way to spend a few of these dollars than setting up a place to laugh
A safe place. I live in a property now which is wide open to the street and I feel exposed. I can’t relax. I can’t enjoy the sunshine through the open window because I can’t afford to Be Seen. The new house has sensor security lights. The doors are secure and have no glass. I quite fancy having the windows open and taking in the colourful view. I so hope I feel this way when I am in there. With a happy, safe home base, I believe this will be the New Start we all hear about. Hope for. My safe, comfortable house.
From here? It’s only going to get better. I have a good feeling about that.