When The Kettle Boils

Woooooooooooooooow, today was tough.  I was feeling it yesterday.  That almost-overload of emotion.  The bubble of just-before-boiling-point.  Sometimes you get to that point, you know?  You don’t realise until it happens.

You’re worn out.  The kettle’s boiling.  You can hear it in the background but the whistle is dulled by the other noise.  Whatever you have to do next.  It slowly edges into your consciousness…should probably do something about that… *sigh, drag self to the switch*

Image credit here

It’s not a bad thing, reaching your limit for now.  Needing a break.  It’s a safety measure, isn’t it?  Self preservation.

I just really don’t like how it feels.  As you get close to the edge.  The feelings that surface and bubble.  For me, it’s the vulnerable.  The tears.  The rawness.  I imagine it to be the emotional equivalent of when Robbie Williams rips his skin off in the Rock DJ film clip.  And then he is just muscle and sinew.  No protection.

Image credit here.  You would not believe the images I found looking for this one.  I encourage you to google it.  Robbie is better with his skin on.  And he’s not afraid to show you.  Bless.

When things feel like that for me, it’s harder to get stuff done.  It is tempting to tell everyone to piss off and curl up at home.  Retreat into my shell.  Which I guess isn’t that bad, either.  That’s another form of self preservation.  It’s pretty advanced, really.  Despite what you physically make yourself do, your brain or your body knows.  You can’t beat the system!

I’m pretty keen on visualisation to describe how I feel.  Just then I had a flash of one of those sparklers you light.  And at the end, when it fizzles out?  That.  That was today.

I had some WorkSafe/Workcover issues raised this week.  Family Court – ugh.  Some stuff with my baby boy.  Redoing my legal statement for the next stage of trying to be heard and/or compensated.  It was a big few days, which I didn’t realise at the time.  I suppose that this worn out feeling is more of a surprise because I have actually been feeling, dare I say it, good.  I have been feeling stronger.  Considering a future.  So a little bit of burnout is a shock to the system.

 

Not pretty, but pretty apt.  Image credit here.

I’ll have to have a think about how to be nice to myself and power-up again.  I would usually eat enough chocolate to maintain a nation but I have been eating much more sensibly lately so that seems silly.  I don’t want to feel sick.  I’m scratching my stupid sensitive skin a lot which one of the ways I exhibit stress on the outside.  And I cannot stop running my tongue along the inside of my teeth.  Like it’s pushing against them.  So I have a sore jaw and my tongue hurts.  It’s a variation on grinding my teeth or something.  I look forward to night time now because I play on the computer for a while, here or twitter or researching the family tree.  Then I have my sleepy pill and relax.  It’s nice not to dread the night.

I’m tired now.  Without the sleepy pill.  I need to take it easy tomorrow.  Cuddle my baby and do things that make us smile.  And probably stay out of anyone’s way because I still feel teary.  But I’ll be back in business in a bit.  Cuddles.  I want a cuddle.  I think I’ll go and get a teddy bear or something.  These are the things you do when you have no bloody vices at all.Don’t drink.  Don’t smoke.  You hug stuffed toys.  Aw, geez…

I’m going to snuggle.  Image credit here.

Or find the perfect quote.  It can get you over any hill.

Mahatma Gandhi

“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it–always.”  ―    Mahatma Gandhi
I found this quote here.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s