2011 was a tricky year. There were wonderful moments as I created memories for my little one, my niece (almost 3) and nephew (1). My family became a lot closer in many ways and that was momentous. The males in my life showed their true colours and it was a very bitter pill for me to swallow. I wanted so badly to maintain positive relationships with them, two in particular, but they made decisions which removed that possibility. I grieved for this but life is actually somewhat easier when the roller coaster stops. You just know, one way or the other. I am happy because I gave it everything I had. Can’t try harder than that!
2011 was an emotional year. I fought with those around me and with myself. I was approached to ‘have my say’ in another investigation regarding what happened at work. At first this buoyed me and I thought this is it, they care! Depression lifts. Then they explained what they were really concentrating on. And the timeframe. Depression veil falls down again. Boo. I gave it my all, though, and I’m ok now. Nothing has progressed as yet. *dry laugh* We moved house which is always stressful (financially) but exciting, too. It was a good thing.
2011 was a fun year. The little one and I tried some new activities. We had a term of swimming, two terms of Gymbaroo (super fun), played with other kids at a mum’s group and had ago at some daycare. I had a bit of trouble getting to every session of things, having ‘we aint leaving the house’ days but overall these things were very beneficial and provided many smiles.
2011 was about letting go of some relationships for good and investing in making the ones I had count. The saying ‘you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink’ sums it up. I was under the hopeful and well-intended illusion that if certain people saw how important they were and I worked hard enough to encourage them, they would blossom and become the best they could be. And be fair. Everyone would benefit. I’m a funny old thing. Which brings to mind another saying. You cannot get blood from a stone. I found I’d been pinning my hopes on some big ol’ rocks. Time to let go.
2011 was about creating a sense of belonging. I started to research my family tree. I like research and tracking things down and after some disappointing turn outs from the alive members I thought I could build a sense of belonging with the ones who had come before me, long before me. Many hours, dollars and backaches later, I have a history rolled out in front of me spanning 2,000 plus descendants. We have located and visited some final resting places and the whole experience has brought my mother and I much closer. Very special.
Finally, 2011 was about trying to make a new start, not defining myself only by my bad experiences. I am a mother to a wonderfully innocent child. This makes me feel like a superhero. So much love! I have made a safe home for us, a small circle of staunch, strong friends to support us and love us. I have a working, inquisitive mind, lots of chocolate and coffee and I’m excited to move forward in 2012.
- Updated: – – More Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation! (ptsdawayout.com)
- Emotions Are Stored In Our Body On The Cellular Level (judithhaire.com)